10-step Conflict Resolution Framework

10-step Conflict RESOLUTION Framework

1. Restate other’s comments in your own words to ensure proper understanding. Follow this rule before responding and coming to conclusions.
2. Examine situations objectively. Take care to separate the behavior from the individual and avoid carrying past baggage into new situations.
3. Suspicion, self-pity and stubborness have no place in inter-personal relations. Be understanding, positive, co-operative and humble.
4. Observe rules of fair play and common decency. Character assassination is to be avoided. In all likelihood you will be relating to this person in the future.
5. Lower your voice, if you start to get heated. Monitor your body language to ensure that you present a calm yet confident and determined demeanor.
6. Untie yourself from inflexible positions. Focus on finding creative ways of having your interests met instead of making flat demands.
7. Time is a great healer. Be patient and maintain a positive expectancy that the matter will be resolved soon.
8. Initiate steps to resolve conflicts. Be proactive instead of waiting for the other party to make the first move.
9. Omit malice, lies, deceitfulness and unwholesome talk from the interaction. Be longsuffering and focus on the shared mission.
10. Negotiate with win-win in mind. This is a sounder basis for lasting peace than seeking to overpower the other party.

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Four DISC styles: TV watching style

In front of the TV

D – Action movies, sports event and news…. all at once with remote in hand and reading material in the lap
I – “Who really cares what’s on the screen when the company is good and my jokes are working well?”
S – Real life drama or reality TV that allows for identifying with on-screen characters and produces the odd tear. Alternatively, game show or sit-com.
C – News or intriguing documentary, probably selected from a TV guide.

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Success with People – DISC Funecdote

School days – Spelling Bee

The SpellMaster calls out D’s word GRASS. D without any hesitation spells out the letters in a confident, strong voice  G-L-A-S-S. The SpellMaster indicates that the spelling is not correct.  D quickly prompts the school coach to protest on the grounds that the SpellMaster did not pronounce the word with sufficient clarity. The contest is halted for some time while this is sorted out, eventually D is allowed to spell another word.

“Ivan, Ivan, Ivan…  it’s your turn.” Ivan spells with the rhythm that the audience finds amusing and then does the trademark hesitation and head scratching routine before belting out the last two letters.

S asks the SpellMaster to repeat the word twice and says the word out loud each time. Following the coaching routine, S then asks the SpellMaster to use the word in a sentence. S is now comfortable to start the process of carefully spelling the word.

C repeats the word after the SpellMaster. On getting confirmation that that is indeed the correct word, C asks the SpellMaster for the Greek root of the word. With the radar in place C is able to proceed with the spelling aspect of the process.

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Success with People – DISC Funecdotes

Early days – Nursery rhymes

D quickly reads the story of the cow and his leap over the moon. “I am finished Miss. Can I get another story to read?” The teacher leans towards considering D a fast learner.

I sets about colouring the story. The entire scene is played in 3-D mentally. The cow has a rocket placed on its back and it all comes in full color. The teacher wonders if I needs additional help with reading.

S reads the story twice to ensure that it is fully understood and all the facts have been noted. S then starts reflecting on just who this cow might be. What is this cow feeling at this point in time? Is there a family? They must feel proud about him. Miss thinks about adding S to the list of those needing additional work in reading.

C does a quick preview of the story and gets the storyline.  C thinks the story is unrealistic, meaningless and a waste of time. C then asks the teacher for a series of mental arithmetic practice problems. The teacher is somewhat confused but is pleased with C’s commitment and industry.

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Cues from Life: Lessons from Dental Floss

Cues from Life

Lessons from Dental Floss

Early Removal

Dental floss is a convenient replacement for toothpicks and is designed to allow us to efficiently remove food particles that have lodged between our teeth. The early removal of particles prevents the occurrence of decay and the onset of poor dental hygiene. Poor dental hygiene has unpleasant effects and usually produces painful consequences.

Sin has a way of lodging easily in our lives. Left unattended it leads to decay and poor spiritual health. The effects are unpleasant and can be eternally painful. Have you noticed that when you err for the first time in a particular area, it is repulsive and you are really very upset. The next time, the level of your anger is somewhat lower. This continues until the error becomes a “besetting sin” — in other words, you have grown to accept its occurrence. That is why it has beset you. Swift repentance (real, deep-seated regret and a firm commitment not to repeat the action) flosses out sin from our lives before they get a chance to settle in and produce lasting decay.

Sterner stuff

Thread-like in appearance, dental floss owes its popularity to the fact that it is made of sterner stuff than thread. The texture of thread is such that it snaps too easily when used for flossing. One of the goals of personal development is to so shape our ‘texture’ (character) that we are built of sterner stuff.

We want to produce mental fibre that can withstand the stresses of life without snapping. The first step is to recognize the fact that it is possible to develop the capacity to cope better with stress. In order to produce floss instead of thread, one has to alter either the inputs or the process. The same is true of character. What we are is result of the raw material we feed into our minds. A steady supply of healthy, positive thoughts mixed with a clear vision and a commitment to excellence will produce a strong personality, capable of coping with life.

Flexibility

Dental floss grew in popularity over toothpicks because its flexibility offered the user far greater opportunities to remove food particles than a toothpick. Too many of us go through life in a fixed, one-directional manner. We get flustered and unproductive if things fail to go as planned. We stick stubbornly to ‘the plan’, unwilling to open our minds to other options and to revised objectives. Flexibility is a better option than holding firm to a wooden, uni-directional approach to living.

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Cues from Life: Lessons from Water

Lessons from Water

On the unimportance of physical make up

  • Water is central to life and does not even have a colour. Why then are people so concerned about the colour of the skin of others?
  • Water is made up of two parts of Hydrogen to one part of Oxygen. Put together in any other combination, something other than water is produced. In this combination, they achieve life sustaining success. Why can’t humans understand that it is not so much a question of any one role in the team. The key is finding a winning combination.

On perseverance

A steady drip of water will wear away even the toughest rock over time. Work away at the things that you want to achieve and you will succeed.

On joining forces

One drop of water is not exactly a frightening prospect. Put enough drops together and we become powerless in the face of on-rushing flood waters. Get together with others to fulfill your dreams!

On flexibility and the development of multiple talents

The mind boggles at the many functions that water performs. Your usefulness increases when you can adapt to different circumstances and when you have varied skills. Develop a desperate need to learn new things… soon like water, you will be in everything!

On purity and contamination

Water is a universal symbol of purity. Yet, water is so easily contaminated. Christians are spotless as they rise from the baptismal water. However, contamination by the world is all too easy. Be thirsty for righteousness.

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