A frightening number of marriages are being ripped apart by a failure to fit step-children into the mix. While husbands dote on their progeny, wives are driven to despair.
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TrevorESSmith 
It’s tough being a step-parent. As a step-mom there are days I feel just like these wives. I have learned to cope through taking time out for myself and fortunately, I have a very supportive husband who is always trying to maintain that delicate balance between his children and me and his former spouse. But as step parents we have a responsibility to understand that children and former spouses are part of the package. If you marry someone with children, you can’t have the spouse without the child – that’s just not the way it works. It helps me to remember that no one is perfect – give yourself, your spouse and your stepchild a break from expectations that may be set too high. There is no “right” or “wrong” thing to be done – just what works for the FAMILY.
I agree that resolution should be sought BEFORE the marriage. The parent of the would-be step-children has to seek their buy-in with respect to the new relationship. If the step-children do not approve of the new marriage you are flirting with danger.
The key as you point out is that a new FAMILY is being formed. A family divided cannot stand.
I was lucky in that my husband involved the children in his intentions to bring me into the family early on – as a matter of fact, they all proposed to me as a group, he and his children. Even with the buy-in of the children (who are happy about things one minute and completely against it the next minute) it is a tough balancing act. Hard to make blended families work (but not impossible!).
Thanks Heidi
If more women realized that they were marrying the man AND his children (and to some extent his ex-) we would see a reduction in the number of empty shell marriages and trauma.
Parent – child attachment is strong and goes both ways. Ignoring those bonds is a recipe for trouble.
http://www.facebook.com/notes/success-with-people-academy/step-children-threaten-marriages/275256809151149